Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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