let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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