just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
