At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
