he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
