This dress was meant to end up on your floor
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
