Midget sex pt 2 tonight
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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