She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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