Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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