Where did you get a picture of my penis
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
