It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
