It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
