peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
