If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
