I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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