also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
