i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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