glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
