I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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