Don't you send me to vm
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
