i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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