You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
