somebody snuck up and got me drunk
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
