I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
being pregnant is like rehab
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
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