We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
