you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
