Swine flu. Run for my life!
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize