I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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