Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Randomize
