Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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