Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
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