my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
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