It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
