Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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