We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
