woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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