Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
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