No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
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