You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
