It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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