she sounds like chewbacca in bed
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
