guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
