I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
my liver is dry heaving
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
