I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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