I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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