doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I just found puke in my bra..
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Randomize
