That's when you crack a 10am beer
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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