Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize