Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
