Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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