I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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