Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
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