All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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