I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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