How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
