wrigley field is MILF paradise
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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