you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
organizing the empties. That sober.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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