I am spending my child support on dildos
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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