he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
