$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
