I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
