It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
