Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
