He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
