sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize