We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
is wine microwaveable?
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize