I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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