yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
