He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
you didnt know i had herpes?
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
