yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
