yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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