TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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