the condom got lost in my hair
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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