my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
