they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
