whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
