Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
