final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
