I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
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