tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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