Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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