i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Randomize
