She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
