I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
