So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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