dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
